This problem of not being able to make a choice, a commitment to an idea, topic or overall thesis statement kept me from getting past the very first step to creating a paper. My teacher at the time, whom I didn’t really like too much said to me, “You can’t finish this paper if you never start!” and although this seems like the most obvious thing, for me, the statement was ground breaking. I could never start because I was too worried about the outcome of my choice and I would never be able to truly judge the outcome if I never had one. I suffered from, what one person in my life later referred to as, “Analysis Paralysis.” I was too busy trying to be perfect, to actually make any movements at all.

Analysis Paralysis leads to a lot of thinking and very little action, thereby causing every single action you try to take, only take longer and as an effect you find that you finish task just before the bell or even more stressful, too late.

To solve my problem for the thesis paper, I had to solve my two problems and I did. First, I needed to truly come to understand the structure of the thesis paper (do your research), and second, I needed to just do it..start writing, something, anything, everything and weed through it later,( Just try something, GET STARTED! ASAP! commit an action, MAKE a MOVE!). If what I had done didn’t fit, I had time to fix it later unlike when I spent most of my time on thought.

I would type out a bunch of quotes from the books that would seem to fit my topic, things that might be what I was looking for and then at the end I would sift through everything and piece things together to see if they were any good. After I’d gathered the information or the meat of my work, I would come up with a thesis and a title for the dish (the paper). Although here was more action involved, it was easier than trying to guess somewhat blindly. Making a choice without action is like trying to decide if you like the taste of a food by simply looking at it. It cannot be done, although may people convince themselves that it can; one can only guess or infer.

Making a choice is something like coming up with a thesis, you won’t know what the best choice is until you have put some actions behind your thoughts and check out the end result.

For each task, the end result may be different but the concept is the same: Action is required to get started. All of the thinking in the world is meaningless without actions to manifest those thoughts and a postponed choice leads to postponed actions while postponed actions are a sure way to fall short of meeting a deadline.

Figuring out how to get around your dilemma is up to you, but I think joining a community of people who are about moving forward and progressive actions is a good first active step!

For those of you who have not joined yet, click here: www.20somethingUniversity.com

Making a choice is easier said than done, but a result is gaurateed if you make a choice or let it make you.

It’s best to be aware of the self because like Dr. Phil or Oprah said the other day,”Nobody can make you lose what you already have.”

At first, when I heard them say this I thought yes they can. I can have myself and lose me in a relationship, but thinking about it now, I think well, wait…. I am sound in mind and spirit, I don’t lose myself, I am always aware of where I am and what I’m doing… although the saying is a cliche term used way to often… I am who I am. I’m me; I’m here; I’m not and have never been lost. What I did in finding a bad relationship is find something I didn’t need and tried to make it fit into my world.

Some men, no matter who the woman in their life is at the time, are going through shit. Shit smells! It stinks to the point of inducing nausea, it makes you not want to eat.

If you stepped in shit, you wouldn’t say, “G-d this is awful let me change the way I dress to make it be better or let me try to look at it from the perspective of someone else to make sure it stinks. You wouldn’t say maybe if my ass was 15 lbs lighter, the shit wouldn’t stink, and why is that? It’s because shit stinks, no matter what is done and when someone else is going through it or stepping in it, you’d be damned to stay in the same room as them, allow them to wipe it on you or allow them to convince you that it’s because of you, that shit stinks on their particular shoe.
This is men when they’re going through shit and unfortunately we as women are ruminators when it comes to our relationships, and we’ve been trained to be caregivers who should do all we can to fix our troubled relationships, like it’s our job to save it and make it work.

The responsibility, we take into our own hands, alone, like we are the only one’s who are there to serve a purpose in maintaining the functionality of the match.
We are not to take that sort of responsibility, because it is fruitless and dangerous to the psyche.

Tell me something, when is the last time someone stepped in shit and you said, I know that really stinks and if you walked around like that the rest of your life, it’d be horrible for you and me, so let me bend over backwards and gag to wipe it off for you. It’s my job and our relationship is doomed if I don’t.” ? I’m sorry when is the last time someone did that for you?

Maybe your mom or dad did this for you before you were 6 years old, but guess what, not after, and if you decided to walk around with shit on your foot as an adult you parents who gave you life would say, I love you, but I don’t want to be with while you are going though this shitty phase cause it stinks, and you sure as hell better not stepping foot into the house wearing those shoes.

If you really love someone or care for them, even as a friend, you tell them the truth, “That shit on you shoe stinks, you need to fix that, but I’m not touching it!”

And if they respect you, value your friendship, or treasure your opinion,and they are logical, responsible adults, they will handle their problem themselves and see you when the mess has been disposed of.

If a person in your life doesn’t feel that way or act that way, they should no longer be a person in your life.

Nobody wants to be friends with the smelly kid in the class and rightfully so, they would make everything that is supposed to be good in life, just stink.

What do you do with the trash cans when they smell? Exactly what you should do with a guy/girl who puts you in the grey when s/he is stepping in shit that causes life to stink…..

DUMP THEM!!!!!!!!

I’ve been here and done it and have the “bling” to prove it. Until you walk down the middle of the church etc., live it up and enjoy the fact that you are single; that is why there is no other middle of the road term for what you are doing. You live together, but unless he’s your baby daddy, “boyfriend” is all the title he gets and the only rights he’s entitled to.

Don’t give your man more power than he’s asked for? Men love sports and games because of the challenge. Don’t be the video game that he’s played every inch of and won, because those video game don’t get the same attention as they did in the beginning: They get stored away never to be given to anyone else or thrown away, but one thing is for sure, guys always move on to playing a new game that challenges them.

You better think about being Madden 2009 the Same Game he love to play, but the new edition, the game he can’t wait to purchase, but he doesn’t own!

More importantly try to deal with the logic of it all as opposed to what you feel, b/c what you feel is not what is. It is the difference between facts and opinions. If calling him your boyfriend is starting to not match-up with what it is, why isn’t it something else, more or less? Answer this question for yourself, don’t ask anyone else what they think for 7 days. Are you getting what you want? Is it really a matter of a title or is there a deeper issue here? Only you know! Get real with yourself, cause only you can guarantee yourself a honest answer.

Take heed of what I’m telling you, you’re in your valued years here Good Luck and Many blessing in whatever direction you go!

Too tired for fun!

Every night this week I have said, I am going to go to bed early enough not to hate myself in the morning and every night this week I have stayed-up working. It is terrible to be tired and to desperately make being productive more important than my health, because I know better. I teach people to be balanced, to be healthy and I am watching my immune system weaken due to lack of sleep, irony rears it head and grins.

It is wonderful to have ideas, but it is not wonderful for them to keep you up at night and wake you from your sleep. This happens to me when I get into a forward movement work mentality, a zone. I am in the zone of accomplishment and yet I am exhausted. Practice what you preach, I hear the voice in my head saying and then I check my email one more time. Oop!

Not getting sleep can lead to weight gain, nightly overeating, obsessive caffeine intake, depression, weakened immune systems, mood swings and all the other ugly stuff which can be avoided if the body gets the rest it requires. I can try to treat my body as well as I treat my work, but I should treat it better. So tonight I will go to bed on time. I will make the best decision for my health, because although it is often placed on the back burner, it is everyone first priority. Without my health, there is nothing else. If my health goes so does everything else. Tonight I will not take me for granted.

To support my attempt to sleep between 7-8 hours, I will use a proven strategy. Tonight, I will write my thoughts down while in bed and hopefully fall asleep. It is said that if you want to fall asleep more easily, you should write down whatever comes to mind and all that you want to achieve the next day so that you can relax. Writing things down will assure you that your valuable ideas t won’t be forgotten. Tonight, I will implement this strategy and get into bed by 10:15pm.

Tonight I make the the choice to kick tired to the curb! I have 3 minutes…

Stylish and Smart = Fabulous!

Forget the Hilton Sisters, Emily and Zoey Deschanel should be Hollywoods it sisters! These girls, whom most people outside of Hollywood do not even know are related, are a quadruple threat! They have the The beauty, the talent, the brains and the Fashion Sense! Zooey Deschanel of “500 Days of Summer” and Emily Deschanel of “Bones” are sisters. With all that they have going for them, they deserve the title of the Hottest Sisters in Hollywood!

The quirky combinations that Zooey Deschanel has worn from the moment I began to notice her in Hollywood have always been cute and classy. She has a charm to her style that speaks of old Hollywood meets Urban Outfitters and she carries her clothes in a fashion that make me and many others wish that it were once again the 1950′s so we too could all rock her retro glamorous styles without being ogled at why walking down the street. She is a classic beauty whose talent on camera is as welcoming as her style.

Tonight as I was Watching “Bones” I noticed that the role of Dr. Brennan aka Bones herself is actually played by Emily Deschanel and with the same piercing blue eyes, I rushed to my laptop to check and see if the pair were related and they are. They ‘re sisters and I think they are both the best of what Hollywood has to offer.

Emily is beautiful and plays a role currently that shows that women can be and are not all cookie cutter templates. The role of Bone is one which depicts a woman of strength, unmatched intelligence, beauty, and assertiveness. Uncomfortable with her feeling and scientifically inclined, this character is a jewel for young women breaking the stereotypes which have imprisoned women for years into certain domestic and care giving spheres.

Neither of these actresses tries to sell beauty and sex as their only and even their main assets; for this, they deserve applause and way more press should be delivered their way!

The Deschanel sisters are gorgeous and play roles that young women can appreciate and be proud of, not selling sex as a weapon to claim their fame, but beauty, brains, class and talent. So when they are available for the position, why does the media glamorize the Kardashians? Hopefully the tide will soon turn and we as young women will be able feel that it’s possible to get just as much attention and praise for our talents and intelligences as we ‘ve been given for previously for our bodies alone.

Emily And Zooey Deschanel

We are constantly faced with the opportunity to guide our live toward what we desire or away from what we dislike, however we are sometimes unsure what moves to make to get us what we are searching for. We are fearful of making to wrong decision and that can lead to “Analysis Paralysis” the act of sitting around and allowing our lack of a choice to be the choice itself, no movement, but waiting for like to make us instead of us doing something to make a like we appreciate. The situation is however unavoidable; no matter if it’s something you have to do or something you want to do, one of the few things in life you will not be able to avoid is the need to make choices and naturally have the desire for those decisions to lead you to positive, and personally profitable results. Figuring out what choice is going to get you where you want to go can be tough and knowing who to talk to about is often even tougher. That is why I am here to give you a non-bias ear and help you to filter through the funk that can cloud our abilities to make healthy choices.

When going through life’s transitional periods, it is often like driving a car up hill in the rain on a bumpy road. It is hard to see what’s on the other side of the hill. It’s scary because the conditions are tougher than normal, an you can’t seem to move at the pace you are used to. It seems like the uncomfortable or challenging elements are keeping you from getting where you want to go and even worse is that the conditions are slowing you down and making your drive We will work through the rain together until the sun shines light on your situation and you feel ready to play, the game of life that is, picking cards from the deck and feeling confident that you can handle whatever you encounter.

When you are feeling a bit stuck in your decision making process or simply your way of life and you want to seek change, just do it... Ask Sherrae.

The fashion industry is one of the biggest industries on the planet, since most of the worlds’ population are no longer walking the path of the uncivilized, we are most often, when out in public, going to be found wearing some form of clothing. Clothing can be anything from what you have to wear, uniforms, to what you want to wear, but inevitably you will wear it.

I love Fashion. It is glamorous. It is fun and the fashion game is something you can partake of at whatever level you can afford. If you are into what is referred to as “High Fashion” big name designers and expensive goods, than there is nothing better to do than go to New York Fashion Week in NYC. It is wear all the stars are, stars of the fashion industry and the entertainment industry as well, I mean who do you think is really going to walk outside in half pf the outfits displayed on the runway? Certainly not the average everyday person, however if you want to know where Prince got his idea to wear buttless pants, or why Lady Gaga thought that the last outfit you saw her in was fierce or what different actresses were thinking when they let their stylists convince them they should wear that dress that Joan Rivers coursed and spat at, well Fashion week is the culprit.

The NYC fashion shows are full of dynamic, theatrical outfits paired with outlandish make-up and hair more often than not and most of it, I wouldn’t get caught walking down the street in, but to trained eyes, like those of the buyers from major department stores and fabulous boutiques, the outfits can be dispersed and each piece can be reassembled to create more mainstream, yet fabulous looks.

Although the shows are full of crazy artistic ensembles, you have to appreciate the creativity behind the presentations. Besides in the end, I think that we all wish that when we went to work that the people making their presentations would be half as interested in entertaining those of us in the room as these designer and producers do.

For those people who were unable to attend NYC Fashion Week 2010. Here are the video of a few of the shows which you missed and I tried to include some wearable,”ready to wear” fashions for those of us who can’t put the theatrics aside for ourselves.

So, go ahead and enjoy: Spring Summer 2010 NYC Fashion Week!

www.BapLiving.com A social networking site for Black American Women, ages 18 + who enjoy the fine things in life: Shopping, Dining, Entertaining, Networking and more! Sign-up Today!